Even evangelical women get abortions. Amen. Thank you for that. The ways in which these Christian men behaved towards you and your sister is not surprising, but enraging. You show us the transformation in your thinking from the norms dictated by the church to independence. Your parents' reaction, it strikes me, is far more Christian than the reactions of those in your church community. Thanks for speaking your truth about this.
Thank you so much, Jill! Every comment like this helps as l continue to heal from this time in my life. And yes, my parents' comments were truly the beginning of a transformation for me. Love and acceptance and listening makes such a huge difference. Thank you for being a part of that.
It reminds me a memoir quite diffferent from yours by Laura Jean Baker titled Motherhood Affadavits. Her husband is a public defender whose clients she finds herself comparing herself to as she recognizes the ways in which motherhood is criminalized. Near the end of the book (after 5 kids) she decides to terminate a pregnancy. It's important to include this as part of the truth-telling. No more shame.
Oh man, thank you for mentioning that memoir! I want to read that! And yes, that's right - no more shame. I'm trying to let that really flood into my mind and spirit.
Constance...my heart ached for you and for all of us facing circumstances where we are judged and shamed like this. I got an abortion myself when I was eighteen and already had a son. I wasn't a Christian yet, but when I became one, my "testimony" included this fact and Christians around me were quick to point out that I had killed a person...I was a murderer. I believed it due to one verse of Scripture but began questioning when going through my own period of deconstructing from Evangelicalism. I'm so glad you had your sister and parents to support you during that time.
Thank you, Linda! The "quick to judgment" aspect of legalistic people is so painful and harmful. Thank you again for your support and I'm sending love to too for all that you've been though.❤️🩹
Like you, evangelicalism held me trapped for far too many years. I got out and got therapy 8 years ago but I still mourn the lost years when I barely knew who I was from trying to erase my needs and wants for God. Thank you for sharing this powerful story. 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Paula! Everything you're saying makes sense to me. I'm so glad you were able to get out and are doing better.❤️
I am so moved by your beautifully written memoir. I so appreciate your writing about these painful situations. While reading this installment, I cried even more than I did during the previous ones. Thank you so much for sharing your life.
You succinctly bring awareness to the behind the scenes reality of what countless women all over the world feel when they are in patriarchal situations (which kind of feels like all the time; it's more of a sliding scale situation, IMO). You show a play by play, when Drew steps in to stop the sale of the house, when he tries to "out" you for your so-called transgressions, when he's already taken the reigns in the divorce proceedings, et al. Your descriptions are moving, and make your memoir unputdownable.
Never has “the truth shall set you free” felt more true than as I read your memoir, my friend. I deeply hope your vulnerability and transparency feel as liberating for you as they undoubtedly are to readers who like us who grew up keeping secrets while having vital information kept from us. You are a courageous woman and I am proud to know you.
Thank you for sharing this, Constance. Your writing is beautiful, and you are doing the best work for the world by sharing this story. I’m sure it’s not easy and I want you to know how much I appreciate what you’re doing.
I stepped back from reading newsletters for a moment (life got busy!), but it's a joy to return to the latest installments of your serialised memoir, Constance. This is such an important story to share, and beautifully written too! Looking forward to the next one 🙏
”’Doing the right thing,’ pleasing them, was my main basis for self-esteem and a feeling of connection, and I couldn’t imagine how they would react now.” People who have been there get this—and it answers the question “Who did this to you?”
Even evangelical women get abortions. Amen. Thank you for that. The ways in which these Christian men behaved towards you and your sister is not surprising, but enraging. You show us the transformation in your thinking from the norms dictated by the church to independence. Your parents' reaction, it strikes me, is far more Christian than the reactions of those in your church community. Thanks for speaking your truth about this.
Thank you so much, Jill! Every comment like this helps as l continue to heal from this time in my life. And yes, my parents' comments were truly the beginning of a transformation for me. Love and acceptance and listening makes such a huge difference. Thank you for being a part of that.
It reminds me a memoir quite diffferent from yours by Laura Jean Baker titled Motherhood Affadavits. Her husband is a public defender whose clients she finds herself comparing herself to as she recognizes the ways in which motherhood is criminalized. Near the end of the book (after 5 kids) she decides to terminate a pregnancy. It's important to include this as part of the truth-telling. No more shame.
Oh man, thank you for mentioning that memoir! I want to read that! And yes, that's right - no more shame. I'm trying to let that really flood into my mind and spirit.
Oh, and Laura Jean posts occasionally here https://substack.com/@ljbaker
Thank you!
Constance...my heart ached for you and for all of us facing circumstances where we are judged and shamed like this. I got an abortion myself when I was eighteen and already had a son. I wasn't a Christian yet, but when I became one, my "testimony" included this fact and Christians around me were quick to point out that I had killed a person...I was a murderer. I believed it due to one verse of Scripture but began questioning when going through my own period of deconstructing from Evangelicalism. I'm so glad you had your sister and parents to support you during that time.
Thank you, Linda! The "quick to judgment" aspect of legalistic people is so painful and harmful. Thank you again for your support and I'm sending love to too for all that you've been though.❤️🩹
Like you, evangelicalism held me trapped for far too many years. I got out and got therapy 8 years ago but I still mourn the lost years when I barely knew who I was from trying to erase my needs and wants for God. Thank you for sharing this powerful story. 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Paula! Everything you're saying makes sense to me. I'm so glad you were able to get out and are doing better.❤️
I am so moved by your beautifully written memoir. I so appreciate your writing about these painful situations. While reading this installment, I cried even more than I did during the previous ones. Thank you so much for sharing your life.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Gail! Your words mean so much. Thank you!🙏
You succinctly bring awareness to the behind the scenes reality of what countless women all over the world feel when they are in patriarchal situations (which kind of feels like all the time; it's more of a sliding scale situation, IMO). You show a play by play, when Drew steps in to stop the sale of the house, when he tries to "out" you for your so-called transgressions, when he's already taken the reigns in the divorce proceedings, et al. Your descriptions are moving, and make your memoir unputdownable.
Thank you, Joy! This is so helpful and confirming - thank you for taking the time to read and comment!
Never has “the truth shall set you free” felt more true than as I read your memoir, my friend. I deeply hope your vulnerability and transparency feel as liberating for you as they undoubtedly are to readers who like us who grew up keeping secrets while having vital information kept from us. You are a courageous woman and I am proud to know you.
Thank you, Marva! That all means so much to me!🙏
I so appreciate you sharing your story, Constance 💛 Thank you.
Every comment here means so much to me. Thank you, Meg!❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Constance. Your writing is beautiful, and you are doing the best work for the world by sharing this story. I’m sure it’s not easy and I want you to know how much I appreciate what you’re doing.
Sarah, THANK YOU!! That means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to say that.😭
I stepped back from reading newsletters for a moment (life got busy!), but it's a joy to return to the latest installments of your serialised memoir, Constance. This is such an important story to share, and beautifully written too! Looking forward to the next one 🙏
Thank you, Clare!
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for reading, Judy!
Thank you for having the courage to write this.
Thank you so much for reading and being supportive, Russ!
”’Doing the right thing,’ pleasing them, was my main basis for self-esteem and a feeling of connection, and I couldn’t imagine how they would react now.” People who have been there get this—and it answers the question “Who did this to you?”
So true! Thank you for reading and for your insightful comment, Victoria!
Once again, deeply moved by your writing. Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading, AD!